As the Belt Turns. Episode 1. Item too heavy!

U-scan is a lot of fun.  A lot of my stories will involve this marvel of modern technology. 

One day, I was watching a large woman scan and bag her groceries.  Nothing unusual.  Until I noticed that every time she would scan her item, after placing it in the bag it would tell her to remove any extra items and scan them before placing them in the bag.  I could obviously see that she was NOT placing any items in the bag without scanning them first.  So I would poke the screen that would take care of the problem and tell her to proceed. 

Now, I should probably take a minute and explain something about U-Scan.  The surface that the bags are sitting on is actually a highly sensitive scale, and the computer has a database for all the weights of each item in the store.  This lets the cashier know if you are possibly stealing by scanning one item and putting 2 in the bag, or something else all together.  Again, this woman was not doing that.

But, then I noticed that every time she went to scan another item (after I hit the screen telling the computer it was fine), it would then tell her to put said item back.  But she never removed anything.  I was perplexed.  I walked around my counter and was immediately faced with the problem.  Remember how I mentioned it was a "large woman"??  Well....

Apparently... Every time this woman moved back and forth to put an item in the bag, her gut was resting on the scale!  Then she would move away to scan something and her flab was removed!  So here I am, staring at this woman, and my mind is racing.  How in the world am I (fat myself) supposed to tell this woman her gut is the problem??  "Excuse me miss, but your flabby apron stomach is throwing off the scale, you need to step back so it isn't laying on it??" I decided to save face for both of us, and just scan her items myself.

As the Belt Turns. Prologue

I worked for 6 years as a cashier, at the service desk, and coordinated the service department at a Mega mart named Meijer.  It is a Michigan based store that was the forerunner to Walmart.  Only classier.  Like, say, Walmart is a wife beater, then Meijer would be a polo shirt.  They both serve the same purpose, but one is slightly more respected. 
Anyway, it wasn't until I started working with the general public that I realized people are dumb.  Not everyone, but I'm fairly certain I encountered every idiot in my locality. 
And if they weren't the customers, then wouldn't you know it, they worked there! 
So, off and on, I'll pop in here with a little story of my days working at Meijer.  May you be grateful you didn't work there.

YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

I was so depressed yesterday.  I was on campus and got mistaken for a Mott Middle College student.  Since the Middle College is really a high school, at first I thought it was kinda funny that someone thought I looked young enough to be in high school.  Then I remembered that the Middle College is also the high school that kids go to AFTER they have been kicked out of all the other schools in Flint.  So then I got mad that someone thought I looked like a juvenile delinquent. 
I'm fucking 32 years old, and was there for a nursing program meeting, and I STILL got mistook for a dink of a kid.  I really need to work on things I guess...

The Center for Upscale Vagrants

So, I'm at the Transfer Center.  It's really the bus stop, but the city of Flint calls it the "Transfer Center" in a failed attempt to dissuade vagrants from calling it home.  But yeah, I'm at the Transfer Center, looking at this guy.  He is quite possibly the most unusual man I have ever seen.  He is a 5'8" 135 pound redheaded white guy with a chinstrap goatee and teeth that belong to a Pygmy that eats tobacco and Oreos.  He has a ski cap pulled down over his eyes, to make him more thuggish, since his over sized boxer baring dragon emblazoned thug pants weren't sufficient.  But the icing on this Marshall Mathers cake was the coat.  It is a glorious faux fur coat that I believe is made to appear as if it was once the fur of a zebra Yeti.  Oh, and it's a size 3X, so it goes to his knees.  If I didn't think he was packing heat to protect his scrawny ass from the real thugs, I could stare at him for hours.  But since there has already been one fist fight/potential stabbing since I got here, it's probably best I avert my gaze.

The Transfer Center is a fascinating place for me.  I love looking at all the freaks on display, but it's also the place I fear the most.  It's located in the worst part of Flint, Michigan, which has managed to successfully kill 65 of it citizens in a mere 12 months.  It's a new record for us!  I'm fairly sure some of the people of Flint are also proud of this.  I mean, there may not be many paying jobs left here, but at least the murderers are doing their part to contribute to society!  So here I am, a slow fat white girl, surrounded by 300 people, any one of which could be responsible for one of the 65 murders.  My mom did however give me a pink tube of pepper spray for when I'm down here.  But really, is pepper spray going to save me from a bullet?  No.  Then I'd just have a pissed off, temporarily blinded potential murderer to deal with, and that just isn't on my bucket list of things I want to see. 

So instead, I'll find a corner to park my slow, white ass, and watch all the fist fights and Oreo eating zebra yeti Pygmies from afar, and hope I never have to bust out the pepper spray!

I'm probably nicer than you!

*Disclaimer: This note will talk about God and religion. If it's going to offend you, you might want to skip this and read another one of my posts.

Hi. My name is Marta, and I'm an atheist. Yep, I don't believe in God. No amount of convincing, no matter how persuasive your argument, will not convert me. Don't try. A lot of people who know me, either share this view with me, or have absolutely no clue of my beliefs (or lack thereof). It would never occur to the people around me that I don't believe in God, BECAUSE I'M A GOOD PERSON! Surprise!! I might not believe in religion of any kind, but I do believe in the following:

■Right and wrong

■Honesty

■Compassion for those in need

■Love

■The importance of family

■Working for what you want

■Personal strength

■Treating others the way you want to be treated (if I’m mean to you, you wronged me first)

■Forgiveness (sounds funny after the last thing, but its true)

Now some of you might read that and say to yourself, “Why, those are good Christian values…” or something like that. And they are. Maybe. Hard to tell with the way a lot of people who are Christians act.

Considering it’s one of the most popular religions in the world, I’d like to think I have encountered a lot of Christians. Some, not all, but some, Christians don’t really live up to the values they preach about. I’ve crossed paths with many a “Christian” who has lied to me, wronged me, hurt me, or screwed me over in some other way, then sauntered over to church on Sunday. I find that kind of “Sunday Christian” disgusting. If you are going to claim to believe in something, live it! Actions speak louder than words, remember?? Once I was even lied to by the pastor of a Church!! And what about the Christians who cheat on their spouses? Or Use recreational drugs? Or abuse children? Beat their wife? Embezzle from an employer? I’ve seen it all. Is it any wonder I don’t believe in God after such shining examples of Christianity??

Did you know most of the wars in the world, both in the past and in present day are over religion? Every day, someone dies for not having the same beliefs as someone else. Killing in the name of God is the craziest and most un-Christian thing I have ever heard of. This atheist could never imagine taking a life (ok, there is one exception here, and if you knew the atrocities he has done to me and mine, you would agree, but I wouldn’t ever kill him, but if his brakes went out and he hit a tree, I wouldn’t be upset about it….) Anyway, this God I keep hearing all about apparently doesn’t condone killing, so Christians doing it “for him” is just nonsense. Although I did read in a book somewhere about Him killing entire populations of people he didn’t approve of, even though he made them, so maybe he does condone killing and I’m just confused….

So please, when I tell you I don’t believe in your God, don’t get offended. Instead, ask yourself, what kind of person am I?? Am I living up to the expectations God has set for me?? If you answer yes, my views shouldn’t bother you, because you are secure in your faith. And if the answer is no, it’s probably because you are offending yourself….



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Cereal makes me cry

One day I woke up and went to the kitchen to make blueberry muffins. Yes, with real blueberries, I bake, therefore I'm fat. Anyway, on the table was a bowl and spoon and a little box of cereal for each kid. Since this is something we do for the kids, I just assumed Don did it after I went to bed. While making my mffins, Avery mentioned that she didn't think she was going to be able to reach the cereal, but she did. The cereal is kept on the top of the fridge. I turned to look at her. "You got the cereal?" "Yup, and the bowls and spoons, too." I started to tear up a little bit, and she noticed. She then looks at me and says, "Mom, why don't you want me to do big girl things?"
Yup, totaly lost it. I'm sobbing like a sissy and she's staring at me confused as ever. I hug her and start babbling about how I want to take care of her forever but she's growing up and I have to let her and blah blah blah... She hugs me back and says very softly, "Well I AM almost 7." I told her that it's a mom's job to make their kids be good grownups, so I must be doing my job right....

Then at lunch, Seth and Avery bust out a loaf of bread and Miracle Whip and deli meats and cheeses and make themselves a sandwich. HOLD THE PHONE!! Now they both went and grew up on me!! More tears, but I hid in the living room so they wouldn't see me cry, lol.

I know as moms we long for them to grow up, and for them to have a little self sufficiency. But then it actually happens! It's a little glimmer of realization that one day they won't "need us" anymore. It's kinda scary for me. I don't really like it much. But, I know it has to happen. So I will try and sit back, and watch them grow. Watch them mature and become more responsible. ...At least I still have Ravyn...

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Store bought fun

There are a lot of moms/parents I know who feel the need to buy extravagant things for their kids. And there are a lot of kids I know who don't appreciate shit!! Maybe as parents we need to close our wallets and think about the little pleasures in life. Take for example, my kids. Last night, they were sooo damn excited to "sleep in the upstairs" at their grandma's house. It didn't even occur to me that they have never slept in a two story house before, and that it would be exciting. But for them it was new and fun. Even more fun was that at Grandma's, there are 2 bathrooms, so they could both pee at the same time in a different room. Didn't cost a dime and they were as happy as can be.

So why do some parents feel the need to spend, spend, spend?? Do these parents realize you can't buy love, and your child loves you whether they have the latest and greatest toy or not? Do these parents realize they are setting their child up for a life of expecting things? Say hello to a future of credit card debt spent on instant gratification.
Maybe you parents could start small. Maybe turn off the T.V. that is airing hours of brain rotting cartoons inturrupted by commercials for toys that the child is going to insist they "need". Maybe you don't need to visit the toy isle everytime you shop at Wal-mart. Most importantly, you could learn a little two letter word. It's called NO.

After you have mastered that, you learn about cheap entertainment. You could color or read with your child. You could spend a dollar on a bottle of bubbles(I'll let you) and blow some bubbles in the yard. You could sit down with your child and play with all the toys you've already purchased. You can go to a park or playground and let them exercise. After all, they've been watching hours of T.V.

And after that, then you start teaching your child about money. Teach them that money is earned, not freely handed out. Teach them the importance of saving up for something. Then you let them spend THEIR money on shit they won't appreciate. While you... you can buy yourself a nice pair of shoes with all the money I just saved you!

You could play in the leaves

or maybe play in the rain

or build a blanket fort

and I already mentioned the playground!!


*Disclaimer: This is not to say that I don't buy things for my kids. I just choose to buy toys/luxuries for birthdays or Christmas. I mean, what makes these days any different or any more special if they get gifts every other day?!?!

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